Ministering to One, Ministering to All
“Included” is a word that can be so foreign for us. It is something that people live daily, adding others into their life even when those people may not always fit in perfectly. It could also be foreign to others as it is not always something that people choose to live. In today’s society, we hear multiple stories of people who grew up isolated and bullied. It is not something anyone who takes part in is proud of, yet it is the reality in how one may see others fitting into their life. Ministry is one of those places where the lost can find hope and love, a place they can be who they truly are. It is easy to include students who fit the mold, those who fit into our lessons and are dedicated and well disciplined. However, students who are tougher to fit in could cause challenges for you and can also make you feel weak in your role as a leader. What if I told you that you and your ministry are actually stronger because of these individuals? Would you believe me? Leading each and all these students presents different challenges; challenges that you as the leader will face, challenges that the student will need to overcome, challenges that will force the families to adapt, and challenges that the kids in the ministry will need to understand. Once you address and face those challenges you will help the student, the family, and your ministry all grow.
Have you ever wondered why children may feel left out? Why they feel separated or the need to separate themselves from others? There are multiple factors of why a child may feel excluded, such as:
- Their friends do not go to this church, so they are not connected to anyone.
- They have behavioral issues, and when you say or choose something that they do not like, they react negatively. This causes them to be seen by other kids as having an issue or acting out, which in turn may cause the students to isolate that child.
- They are dealing with family issues or socio-economic struggles that are not seen to most students, yet the child still can feel and tell they are different from the other students.
- They just moved into your city and they primarily speak a different language. They feel isolated when they do not understand what is happening on a Sunday morning, or they are not making connections with other students.
Leaders need to look at how they can include all types of students in their ministry. How do you prepare for them each week? How can we truly help them feel included and learn about God in the same hour as we teach? I believe there are three main areas in where you can start.
Sunday Preparations
The first step is to have them in mind as you prepare yourself for Sunday. When you sit down to plan your teaching or small groups, have a particular child or children in mind. As an example, I take the time to create an outline of my lesson. I make sure I get the bulk of my teaching content out of my head and on to the paper, then I take about five minutes and think of how I could connect with the visual, verbal, and physical learners. There are times when I just add a picture from Google, or one based off the bible lesson. I know that if the visual learners see that photograph, they will most likely connect that visual back with the main point of my lesson. I intentionally write in the parts of the lesson in which I want all kids to repeat a word or phrase, this is so I can emphasize it verbally for the students who learn by listening. I know I may only reaching a few, yet it will in turn affect others as well. In addition, I make sure that when I am planning a game or activity on stage, I think “How will those who are not picked react?” (those children who may have emotional/ behavioral issues). Or, “Is this something that I can include everyone in?”. The most important thing to remember during the planning process is to put yourself in your students’ perspective. How would they react to this particular activity? If they are not being picked for a game could it impact their behavior? Do not completely change your total lesson to cater to just them, remember you have other students with their own learning styles. However, you should always be aware of how these students are feeling and what could help them connect to your lesson. Your preparation could make or break your presentation.
Prepare Your Teachers
Next, you need to prepare your teachers. How can you set your small group leaders up to succeed with one of these students? This is one of the most important things you can do for your ministry. If you plan to set your leaders up for success, not only will it help them manage the child, they will feel successful in doing so. At our church, we send home what we call a “Bio Sheet” for the parents to fill out. This document allows for the parents to inform us on if the child is struggling, how severe the diagnoses is, and/or how hard they may be struggling with it. This also allows us to know how they are acting, and what type of strategies the parents and teachers are using at home and school. Some of the questions we ask are:
- What are your child’s strengths?
- In what area(s) would you like to see your child improve?
- What is the best way to soothe your child when he/she is having a tough time?
A simple sheet that can be sent home and filled out by the parent or the student’s teacher can assist in helping you aid the child. The sheet can then also be shared with your leaders, so they will know the best strategies when supporting the child and the goals of both the child and parent.
Connection with Parents
Finally, be sure to connect with the parents of these students. They need your support as well. They could have been asked to leave a particular church because the church could not handle their child. The family may not only feel excluded due to their child, but within the church as a whole. How can you partner with them to help their child/ children succeed in your area so they can be included in the church body? One way is to be sensitive when talking with the parents. They could have felt isolated and may need to meet for coffee to discuss how they help their child succeed. What can you do as a ministry leader to make sure this family is not isolated again in your church? Let me share a specific example with you that I have personally had to navigate.
Mark
There is a student that attends our children’s ministry. Mark has been going to our church since he was a young child. He came as a baby and is now in 4thgrade. It was not until Mark reached our elementary room that we noticed he had behavioral issues. We sent home our “Bio Sheet” to try and learn more about him from his parents. Remember, this helps us assess what we could do to help him as well as his parents. From the sheet we learned that Mark had been diagnosed with severe ADHD and oppositional defiance disorder, and as the years have passed, Mark’s severity has increased. Students were starting to realize that Mark was continually disrupting the class. They started to pull away from him and did not want to associate with his behavior or get into trouble by being close to him. During this time, Mark’s parents had decided to separate, causing more behavioral problems and more attention issues. At this point, there were students and leaders that did not want to be around him. The leaders always had a heavy heart when he walked into the room. This is something he did not ask for, it just happened. It came to the point where Mark did not come for a while. He did not feel like he belonged; he felt isolated. His parents hurt for him and were themselves hurting due to church leaders consistently discussing Mark’s behavior with them multiple Sunday mornings. This made them feel isolated as well.
What we do as ministry leaders is critical to how Mark, his family, the students, and our leaders respond to inclusion. The process took multiple meetings with Mark and his parents. It took conversations with our leaders to discuss how they truly felt working with Mark. We also had to make sure that we prepared our staff members by equipping them so that they were able to provide support when it was needed. It is how you react as a leader that will carry over to others. Mark is currently back in our ministry. He still has behavioral and family issues yet remains connected, and his mother is also being supported. I had a conversation with him this past week, after a situation in which he was causing a disturbance during the lesson and the kids and leaders became distracted. I pulled him aside and talked to him about being disrespectful, how he was causing a commotion in the classroom. He did not get it at first and continued to be disrespectful. Then, a couple minutes later, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, “I know what I did… I am going to Hell because I was disrespectful.” Can you actually believe he thought that? I was able to tell him that he would not go to Hell since he loved Jesus and had accepted him into his heart. In this moment he had connected with me. I was able to share with him that I also struggle with ADHD and discussed some tactics that I use to manage my own behavior. He apologized to the kids, they forgave him, and he was included once again. At the end of all the drama, the team knew Mark felt more successful and comfortable in the classroom. I was able to share with all the small group leaders that story, and each one of them smiled. The small group leaders received more insight into Mark based on my discussion with him. They also were able to manage his behavior better in the following weeks, and the kids embraced him once again. The most important thing I want you and your leaders to remember is this:
Leader’s need to look past the child’s challenges and see who they are and how God could use them.
There is a connection that my leaders and I felt because of the work we did to include Mark. The team was not only able to make a difference in the life of a student, but in how they connected with other leaders in the ministry. There is a strength in our leadership when they know they can handle a child in any situation and have them feel included. In addition, they themselves are included in the group of leaders in the ministry. The ministry is stronger because the leaders are confident and working together. They are a part of what the ministry is doing with each child, and they feel and see the “wins” of each child being included and involved. Inclusion works for everyone; the children, the parents, and the leaders.
Kids are Stronger because All Children are Included
Kids are somewhat exclusive when they know/see the difference in kids. They create an exclusive culture on who they want to be seen with or who they want to associate with. We saw this example in the story of Mark. Once you start to show examples of inclusion, the kids will start to become more connected and more accepting. In return, they will also feel a need to invite others. They will feel comfortable bringing friends when they know that the environment is inclusive. The child knows that they may be struggling with something that is beyond their control, yet they are engaging in a ministry where they are accepted and loved. Their families will feel welcomed into the church because of your willingness to connect with them and their child. They will no longer feel isolated by their situation; they will feel connected to a body of people willing to lead and help them.
Your Team is Stronger When All Children are Included
As for your team, they feel not only connected but stronger. They have grown together as a team, and they have grown in their own faith. They allowed God to use them to help a child in a difficult situation, and ultimately helped that child connect with other students.
You are Stronger When All Children are Included
As a leader you will be stronger when everyone is included in your ministry. You must remember that others are observing your actions, so creating an inclusive culture will give you credibility in your role and in your leadership. You must always remember to welcome someone into the ministry that does not feel welcome or part of the whole. When you lead your team to create a culture of inclusion, they as a result will be growing closer together and form an overall stronger team in your ministry. Finally, you will grow stronger as a leader in your faith. When You have chosen to help a student succeed and feel included, you did not let their circumstances and your circumstances change how they are found in God’s kingdom. Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (NIV).
You were called to this purpose; this call-in ministry and God has equipped you take on the challenge and make every student feel like one of God’s children.
